"jimmy kimmel live"! tonight, melissa mccarthy. from "zero dark thirty", mark duplass. and music from anita baker. with cleto and the cletones. and now, that's not good enough, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi there, i'm jimmy.

i'm the host of the show. thank you for coming. thank you for watching. that's very kind of you. i appreciate it. just out of curiosity who in our audience tonight did not watch the super bowl yesterday? about eight terrorists in the crowd. i did watch the super bowl. i remember is a blackout, beyonce, a fat kid making out with a model and a guy with a weird relationship with a clydesdale. and we're paying way too much for pistachios. i'm pretty sure -- i haven't been to the doctor but i'm fairly sure that beyonce's halftime show made me pregnant. and as far as the game last night it was so raven. so, so raven. the baltimore ravens upset the san francisco 49ers. the strangest super bowl ever. not only did the power go out in

the superdome it went out in the oven at my mother's house. not kidding. they both went out of commission before halftime. the 911 operator i called did nothing about it. can you believe that? baltimore fans were very excited about the win last night. street signs were uprooted and car windshields got knocked out. but one ravens fan took the opportunity to climb a street sign. and while he was up there he decided to get a quick workout in. and do some pullups. and of course -- why i don't exercise. it's dangerous. the ravens players were excited too. chucky brown made confetti angels on the field. shooting off confetti is a

tradition after the super bowl. on friday cornerback for the ravens, ladarrius webb -- it's a name that if he wasn't a football player he would get beat up a lot for. but he was speaking for mike tirico of espn about what he was looking forward to. i believe he meant to say confetti. >> what you looking forward to most? the corfeeti. ray lewis says he wants to feel the graffiti. i want to feel the graffiti. >> graffiti, confetti, machete, spaghetti. what is the difference. the thing that most people were interested in is the harbaugh brothers. john harbaugh is the coach of

the ravens and jim is the coach of the 49ers. jim harbaugh complained about the referees. didn't even hug after the game. they quickly shook hands. watch this video closely. that is jim harbaugh. and he's going to the center of the field to greet his brother. and watch here. it looks like he gave him a wedgie, doesn't it? almost? which is the most personal foul of all in my opinion. after the game, a reporter named brent harris caught up with ed reed who set a world record for the most frequent use of the word man in 15 seconds. >> man, i can't explain this man. i can't explain this man. you know, it's just god's glory man, shining down on us man. we're not perfect beings but no means, man. but this is awesome man.

>> it's raining man. of course, the big surprise of the night was the power outage that plunged half of the stadium into darkness. that's how hard new orleans partiyed even the football stadiums black out. they were able to full the 45 minutes with 84 promos for the show "elementary" they figured out what caused the blackout. someone in the stadium clapped twice and everything went dark. but eventually the power came on and the game resumed. but wouldn't it be great if it didn't? i guess that's it. everyone go home. 108 million people were watching in the united states. the third most watched television program ever and the longest too. 4:14 hours. you could have watched all of

the movie "the hobbit" and three episodes of "girls" and alicia keys had the longest national anthem in super bowl history. 2:36 minutes. it sounded like she added lyrics. i swear i heard i drove my chevy to the levy but the levy was dry. beyonce stole the show with her halftime performance. guillermo liked it. he was tweeting like mad about beyonce. guillermo likes it. he puts an onion ring on it not just a regular ring. did your wife know you were drooling in the corner over beyonce? >> yeah. >> jimmy: she was okay with it? >> yeah. she was okay. >> jimmy: is there anything you like to say to beyonce? >> i like the performance. when she brought out the two

destiny child it was great. >> jimmy: you can't ask for a better review than that. guillermo is not the only one by the way. manti te'o announce head is engaged to one of beyonce's holograms. baby steps. even the astronauts on the international space station got to enjoy the super bowl yesterday. mission control in houston beamed the game up to them. but it makes me madder that i can't get my swing box to work in a hotel room. the astronauts watched the game and came around and tried to catch the tortilla strips. there were a lot of commercials in the game. is anyone concerned that the etrade baby is not aging? budweiser had the top rated commercial. i thought it was odd. america has no problem with man-horse marriage. it was like brokeback

clydesdale. at our party everyone was going nuts over the godaddy commercial. does godaddy sell eye stabbing kits. that's what i wanted to buy after watching that. inevitably there are people who are offended by some of the super bowl commercials. this year people are mad at volkswagen or coke for something or other. i know this for a fact. it happens to us all the time. if it becomes popular someone will take offense to it guaranteed. today i spent a camera crew out to ask people what they thought about the controversial super bowl ads but it's we asked them about fake ads we made up. there is no way they could have been offended by these commercials because they don't exist but of course they were anyway. in tonight 's edition of "lie witness news." what do you think of the ad

where kate upton kicked a homeless man? >> it is pretty messed up? >> how do you like the commercial of honey boo-boo picking her nose? >> it wasn't right. >> it is gross when she spread it on the cracker. >> exactly. >> should mel gibson have made all those black jokes in a doritos commercial? >> probably not. i'm very -- you know, i'm not a huge fan of that kind of comedy. i'm not a very racist person. so i think he should have toned it down. >> do you think some of them were funny. >> some of them. >> some people think that chris brown punching betty white was in bad taste. >> i didn't think that was great. >> betty white is a national treasure. people shouldn't punch her.

>> but he is chris brown. >> it's still long. >> did you cry when they shot the clydesdale with the broken leg? >> yeah. >> what about where bar refaeli made out with the baby? >> it is wrong. a baby is a baby. you can kiss them on the forehead but not make out with them. just morally wrong. so, i just didn't -- it's not something that should be put on tv. >> do you think it was bad they made the baby drink vodka? >> yes. >> thank you, everyone. >> jimmy: we have a quick break. when we come back we'll check in with the bachelor and my cousin sal was in new orleans after the game consoling 49ers fans as they came out of the superdome. and that went well. melissa mccarthy, mark duplass and music from anita baker.

we'll be right back. [ gwen ] i used to sleep on the tour bus between shows. but that doesn't happen much anymore. the creative process never stops. and songwriting is so hard, but i love it. these days, i guess i just don't want to miss a thing. [ laughs ] i miss you guys.

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>> jimmy: welcome back. melissa mccarthy, mark duplass and anita baker are here tonight and might even come out from backstage if everyone behaves. we have a new two-hour episode of "the bachelor" tonight and another two-hour episode tomorrow night on abc. you see what happens when you pray for things? bachelor sean sent two women home tonight. nine are left. tonight a cocktail party made the night go awry and made sean

nervous that he won't find love among the remaining women. one of the women in the mix is tierra. she is the designated problem this season. the producers sneak at least one nut job in there. i don't know if she is evil or they are trying to make her appear to be evil. check out her reaction. >> jackie is leaving. i feel bad for jackie now. >> i saw tears form in her eyes. >> you know i'm like my heart melts. >> it sucks so bad. >> i got a rose. >> oh, my god! >> i don't know about you but i'm attracted to women who laugh like a supervillain. back to the super bowl it is

a gamble when your favorite team goes to the championship game and you go with them. if they win it could be a great trip but if they lose it could be depressing and no one hates unhappy faces more than cousin sal. cousin sal flew to new orleans to go to the superdome to comfort the fans of the losing teams. in this case it was the fans of the 49ers were who fortune that cousin sal was there. >> cousin sal outside the superdome where 49ers fans just suffered a heart breaking loss. i'm going to comfort them by making them uncomfortable. join me on my console patrol. here we go. it's not your fault, man. it's not your fault. right? who's fault is it? not yours. >> jim harbaugh. >> jim harbaugh, right? >> give it up. i feel terrible. it's not that you're a loser. it's our team is a loser right?

>> right, right. >> all right. >> give me a hug, man. at least we got see beyonce, right? >> it is what is it. >> is this the worst thing to happen in our lives? >> it is. it is very bad. >> it's just they have a better team and much better fans. >> not really. it was a good game. >> is this your husband? >> it is. >> you go home and make love to her, you understand me? >> the 49ers were never good enough for you. i told you that right? i'm not going to stop hugging you until you're happy. >> i'm happy. i'm out of here man. >> san francisco all the way. >> i don't know if you're happy. i don't think you're happy. >> come on. >> you're so big and strong. >> i'm not going to ledlet go. >> if you let go i'll be happy. >> how much did you spend to get here? >> a lot. it's worth it. >> it's not worth it. it's terrible.

and you lost your hair for this team. >> it's your fault that stupid mask and beads and this garbage. >> for life? this is no life. this is no way to live and now you're in for life. >> when ray lewis should be in for life. >> he should be. >> [ bleep ] [ bleep ]. >> listen, [ bleep ] pass interference. [ bleep ] [ bleep ] [ bleep ]. >> tell me something -- i think it was your fault. >> [ bleep ]. [ bleep ]. >> no, no. >> come here. stop playing. they were better. their fans are better. >> you got it right. >> their fans smell better. >> look what you did to your head. you shaved it. that's so stupid. stop it, he feels so stupid. don't embarrass him. >> no, no, no.

>> the beads and the hr. stupid. >> who else wants to kiss it? >> i'm really glad they lost. >> jimmy: isn't that sweet in tonight on the show, mark duplass is here. we have music from anita baker. we'll be right back with melissa mccarthy. stick around the. ♪ [ male announcer ] start with a groundbreaking car. good. then invent an entirely new way to buy one. no. no. no. yes! a website that works like a wedding registry. but for a car. rst, you customize it. then let people sponsor the car's parts as gifts. dad sponsors the engine for your birthday. grandma sponsors the rims for graduation. the car gets funded. then you pick up your new dodge dart at the dealership. and all that's left to do is say thanks. easy. ♪

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>> jimmy: tonight on the program, from "zero dark thirty" which is nominated for five academy awards, which is a lot of them, mark duplass will join us. and then, she earned her 16th grammy nomination for the song she will sing tonight. it's called "lately", anita baker is here. tomorrow night, bradley cooper will be here. from "house of cards", kate mara, and we'll have music from emily sanday. and later this week, ewan mcgregor, dr. phil, julianne hough, jim jefferies, and music from gary clark jr. and tim mcgraw. so join us for that. our first guest tonight is an exceptionally funny emmy nominated actress. you can see her on "mike and molly" and she is in "identity thief" that opens on friday.

please say hello to melissa mccarthy. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> wow. >> jimmy: how's it going? >> good. >> jimmy: good to see you. did you have a bowl party yesterday? >> was that yesterday? >> jimmy: it was, yeah. not your thing i'm guessing? >> i am not -- no. no. >> jimmy: you were on the super bowl broadcast about 10,000 times. >> that seems odd to me. >> jimmy: they were saying america's number one, number one, number one, and they kept showing your face. >> no one says football like mccarthy and i'm home going there's nothing on. >> jimmy: were you sitting at home not watching tv? do you know anything about football? >> no. i have -- no. i have a long history of not --

i don't get it. i'm 40. don't judge i'm sporty it. i played tennis, anyone? thank you all three of you. even growing. i was a cheer leader in high school and i just remember my -- i just remember my dad running down to the gate like the chain link where we were cheering and he is like missy, missy, i'm like i got this -- and he's like no, he was screaming as i'm going score -- and he is yelling you're offense or -- >> jimmy: you were rooting for the wrong team? that's no good. >> and he didn't follow football that much. but he is like i know enough not to cheer for the other side. >> jimmy: that is the responsibility of the head cheerleader to tell all the other cheerleader -- >> that was me. >> jimmy: you were the head cheerleader? >> i made the cheers up. it's fun to dance.

>> jimmy: reverse psychological. it confuses the other team. >> they are like are they cheering? and we'd get them. >> jimmy: were you a cheerleader throughout high school? >> for two or -- freshman and sophomore and then junior year i was -- i don't know. >> jimmy: why did you quit? >> i got real gothic. >> jimmy: really? >> i didn't know how to justify cheer leading with my new goth lifestyle. >> jimmy: that is a tough one. >> i did. full black. full-length capes which is not okay now. but i found fur cape full length that i would wear with full length dresses and do crazy stuff. and i kind of still wish i was cheering. i was a terrible goth. >> jimmy: caught between two

worlds. >> torn. torn. >> jimmy: you paint your face white? >> kabuki white and susie sue -- and that was like -- >> jimmy: what town did you live in? >> plainfield. [ cheers ] really? the odds of that are amazing. >> jimmy: they're probably full of it too. >> and i went from, like, a bob and a polo shirt and my cheerleading picture and literally the next year it was like -- can i take my picture in black and white? and every stupid thing and if they are like why i don't know. it sounded cool. i was just from tending. >> jimmy: did you say i am getting involved in acting? >> no. i thought i was going to do women's clothing. i thought i'm going to f.i.t. and do fashion and new york and then i started doing costumes.

>> jimmy: you did go to new york and do that? >> i thought i was going to finish at f.i.t. and started doing standup instead. but i said i don't know if i can take the actors. they're a lot. they're really -- i mean they just take themselves so seriously. and four years later i'm like my character's important because he only eats grain. like i became exactly what i made fun of. >> jimmy: when you move from a little town to new york city did you go with somebody? >> that's a lie. somewhere my friend's like you're lying. i moved there with a best friend from high school and everyone left me in new york and i thought maybe it's time to come to l.a. one of my best friends jose moved to l.a. and insaply when i said i think i'm going to move out there. i would like an acting job that pays. i thought that would be a neat trick. >> jimmy: yeah.

>> and he had this horrible -- sorry jose, you're the greatest -- he had a studio -- a tight -- a studio that was like about this big between me and you. >> jimmy: a studio apartment or his own television studio? >> a studio apartment and he let me move in with him. >> jimmy: it was a bad idea? >> it was like a lean to. it didn't have heat and it was damp and cold and we were very -- we thought we were clever because i'm like i bet we can get a full-sized bed into the kitchen and my god we did. we scraped down the walls and two of us on the mattress slamming that thing down. i don't know how we changed a sheet. and we were not a couple. >> jimmy: but you were sleeping together? >> yeah. we had 42 cents between us. and we said if we put the bed in

the kitchen we have a proper living room to entertain. it's not okay. and my sister came once and we didn't have any other furniture. i remember my sister margie is in between me and jose in a full bed and she is like this is not okay. this is not okay. and we're just like good night. >> jimmy: sounds like a deal for jose, though. do you keep in touch? >> he is one of my best friends. we're still living together. it's complicated. >> jimmy: i saw your movie. it's funny. we'll take a break. melissa mccarthy is with us. we'll be right back. while everyone else seems headed in the wrong direction,

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just pull the car over. >> is that what you sfwhant. >> yes. here we go. you're sure right in the middle of the highway? >> right in the middle it have highway. >> i'll tell you what then i'll call the police and tell them there's a criminal out here with a northern warrant hanging around the highway. i've got a lot of evidence they'd like to see. >> you got nothing. >> i'm calling the police right now. >> good luck, pal. i'll be long gone. >> it's ringing. >> what are you --?

>> jimmy: melissa mccarthy and jason bateman in "identity thief" it's a very funny movie. your character steals jason bateman's character's identity. does it go that way that you can really -- >> it goes that way. it is something that happens all the time and it's not that hard to do. >> jimmy: i know it happens a lot. but it seems -- it must be more complex -- >> no. you have to get a little bit of information from someone like what really helps if you start with jimmy kimmel's credit card, that helps. >> jimmy: that is my credit card. how did you get that? >> out on your desk. >> jimmy: was in my desk. >> out. out of your pants. >> jimmy: that's technically -- wait a minute. so you took -- you got that. >> yeah, sure. >> jimmy: with just that you can steal my identity?

>> i'm not a wizard. but you take this. i'll show you how to do it. >> jimmy: i'd rather you didn't. >> you have to know your mark. guillermo -- >> jimmy: melissa. >> you can take notes. it's great. >> jimmy: it would be better after the show. >> you were so easy. normally this is the hard part. usually have to work harder to get it. but not the one. you get the i.d. oh, god, jimmy. you leave your -- you want something reminiscent of your mark. >> jimmy: what a coincidence. >> i knew it was a wig. >> jimmy: who leaves that stuff there? >> you shouldn't leave your wardrobe hanging around in the middle of the lobby. >> jimmy: that is what i was just saying. >> you have a small head. it's hard to get this wigon. here we go. i'm feeling like you. got to get the -- here we go. here we go.

voila. this feels right. this feels good. hello, hollywood, i'm jimmy kimmel! hey. hey. jimmy kimmel. hey. don't worry about it. hey. how you doing? that's all right. i'm jimmy kimmel. wait a minute. that's nice. he's got nice lips. yeah. let me give you this. jimmy kimmel. recognize me from next door. right? >> jimmy: oh, yeah, jimmy kimmel. you're looking good together. >> better than usual.

why don't you drop by the show some night. >> thank you, jimmy kimmel. have a great day ms. mccarthy. i loved you in brides mates. >> thank you so much. i'm going to write my number down here. let's get together and have sex some time. >> well played. [ cheers and applause ] >> i must tell you ms. mccarty i always been in love with you. >> jimmy: it's me, jimmy. >> don't ruin the moment. >> jimmy: we'll be right back. stop it.

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for five academy awards. please say hello to mark duplass. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ jimmy: i'm glad to meet you. i'm a fan of your various works. >> really? >> jimmy: yes, as a matter of fact. >> i'm a big fan of your various works. >> jimmy: let's not get in each other's pants too quickly. i hope you watched the super bowl. >> i was at the super bowl. i was there, guys. >> jimmy: you were at the game itself. >> i was blacked out at the super bowl. >> jimmy: were you nervous when that happened? >> you know, i think it was overrated. it might have looked worse on television. but people were liquored up and third quarter and everybody was laid back. >> jimmy: it didn't look that bad on television and i was

wondering why they couldn't just continue with the game. it didn't seem that dark. >> there was another story that people have yet to pick up on. >> jimmy: which was? >> what people didn't realize is that because there was that 30-minute delay in the third quarter there was a lot more drinking going on than normal. and by the end of the third quarter once play had resumed, i discovered that the stadium began to run out of cups. >> jimmy: really? >> yes. >> jimmy: oh, my goodness. >> a gentleman behind me said sorry, they ran out of cups? and he said loudly right at the moment where there is a lull in the conversation they're running out of cups. and at that moment it was like a sea change happened all around me. the nice 46-year-old mother of two in front of me that turned up and said they ran out of

what? and behind me the 78-year-old grandfather was also getting upset and that was the moment i started looking for the exit sign. if new orleans is going to sink into the sea this might be the moment. >> jimmy: running out of cups in new orleans is like running out of nickels in las vegas. people get crazy. >> the mind is absent and the city sinks. >> jimmy: what is it like to grow up in new orleans? >> when you are there you don't know. it seems normal. i had my first beer when i was eight. >> jimmy: really? >> it was delicious. and there was marijuana around. tried that at 11. >> jimmy: wow. >> but you know, it's an odd relationship with sex with new orleans. >> jimmy: 12? >> you know the thing is most of the people in new orleans are catholic. you can't go there because you don't want to go to held. you have a place called big

daddy's. >> jimmy: what is big daddy's? >> it's hard to explain. native american cultures have rites of passage and big daddy's is a gentlemen's club in new orleans. and i use the word "gentlemen" loosely. and you go to learn about sex from women who dance for you. >> jimmy: at what age? >> i first graced the premise when i was 13. >> jimmy: oh, my. >> there is a ritual. i had an older brother who taught me and my friends how to do it. you break into your mother's makeup cabinet and create a beard. >> jimmy: that's realistic. >> very much so. you get dad's jacket and a stack of 30 to 35 one dollar bills and arm yourself for big daddy's. and terrible things happen to your soul inside that place. i'm not going to lie to you. >> jimmy: they let you in there? >> they let you in.

>> jimmy: why they let a kid looking like a hobo for halloween? >> it's not the most desirable. so they made a business out of us so i could go to school and you don't have to ask. you can just look around at the faces and just by the smell of their soul you can know -- who has been to big daddy's yet. >> jimmy: big daddy is full of big mommies. >> and i don't want to be sensitive but some older big mommies. and it's -- >> jimmy: big grand mommies. >> there can be complaints at universities that professors shouldn't be tenured. they might not be able to teach as well -- >> jimmy: this is the same kind of thinking? >> the similar problem. >> jimmy: that is something else. you grew up fast, i guess which is a good thing for what you do. >> by the time you're 16 --

>> jimmy: you have life experiences. >> and ready to start your career. >> jimmy: or living on skid row somewhere. >> either way you're fixed for life. >> jimmy: you are in "zero dark thirty" which is a movie that popped up like the mission itself. they were secretive about how they put it together. >> very much so. i got a call and they said we have this role for you. i said what it is? they said don't worry about it. where am i going? we'll figure that out. i signed a nondisclosure agreement and i got my sides which are the scenes i was to do. they would not give me a full script. they were e-mailed to me. i went online and it said this link will expire in five minutes. i'm like how am i supposed to learn my lines? and i tried to print it but they disabled the print function on the thing. but then i realized i was like i have my iphone.

so i took pictures of the sides on the computer, right. they don't know this yet. >> jimmy: you violated your agreement. >> i'm in trouble. i printed those out. and i studied my sides. i wanted to impress. i sat in my chair to get ready with my scene with someone who is going to play leon panetta and tony sparano walked in. >> jimmy: you didn't know who walks into the room. >> you see tony sparano not james gandolfini. >> jimmy: do you think you were more scared than the real seal team six? >> i think i was. >> jimmy: it's a terrific movie. >> thank you. >> jimmy: it's called "zero dark thirty" nominated for a lot of

academy awards. we'll be right back with anita baker. tim mcgraw is on a roll and, hey, his wife's something too. next what it's like being tim mcgraw.

>> jimmy: here now with her new song, titled "lately." anita baker. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ i can't imagine life without you by my side this is love babe that i'm feeling ♪ ♪ and i'm hoping that you're feeling the same way ♪ ♪ things tend to slip my mind like how you like to wine and dine babe with romantic lights ♪

♪ have i told you i love you lately have i told you that you mean the world ♪ to me lately have i told you i love you i'll be your wishing well tell me ♪ ♪ what you want don't you think twice of our love i say these things ♪ ♪ because because i love you but i'm hoping that ♪ ♪ you're feeling the same

i'm hoping that you feel the same you know all that i feel inside ♪ ♪ verbally i tend to hide baby baby sometimes i tend to forget how much i love you baby have i told you ♪ ♪ i love you lately have i told you that you mean the world to me lately have i told ♪ tell me what you want oh try your hardest ♪ ♪ to deal my baby yes i forgot but you know how i feel things slip my mind ♪ ♪ baby and that's a fact tell me you love me and